06 juin, 2007

Hardi vivre en Picardie

Parmi les nouveaux habitants de notre adorable parking géant résidence, figure un charmant jeune homme bobby de première catégorie.

Bobby a 19 ans à tout casser, mais il a surtout une 106 magnifiquement tunée : ajoutez à la photo ci-jointe des retroviseurs argentés, et vous aurez une petite idée du paysage bucolique qui nous saute aux yeux (et aux oreilles : vive le R'n'bouse à fond les manettes!) dès que nous posons un pied sur notre terrasse. Merci à toi Bobby de contribuer, à ton échelle, à la beauté du site (le vrai et le virtuel).

Entendons nous bien : Bobby n'a pas qu'une bagnole. Il a une raison de vivre. Il lui consacre probablement l'essentiel de son budget. Ce qui est sûr, c'est qu'il lui consacre la totalité de son temps. Je subodore que ses parents ont omis de lui réserver une chambre dans la demeure familiale, pour qu'il ait investi affectivement à ce point ce qui est à la fois point d'ancrage (mobile : c'est une génération à la dérive) et substitut phallique (à aileron).

Dès potron-minet, notre Bobby passe amoureusement l'aspirateur dans sa 106, en époussette la tapisserie rutilante, en astique le pot d'échappement. Toutes ces gesticulations se feront torse nu, signe induBITable du lien charnel qui se noue ici.
Dès pot d'échappementL'après-midi est dévolue aux relations sociales. Bobby convie trois ou quatre copains autour de sa voiture : ils fument, discutent et rigolent, en frottant leurs corps contre les portières de la sexy-machine. Quand la station service debout commence à leur peser, ils posent leurs châssis arrières sur la luxueuse sellerie en skaï et, toutes vitres ouvertes, font péter la sono. Vient alors le moment de la balade (pour recharger les batteries?) : le tour du pâté de maisons y suffira amplement. Il ne faudrait pas se faire piquer sa place (c'est que le fil de l'aspirateur, il n'est pas infini!)! Jusqu'à l'heure de l'apéro, Bobby et ses copilotes parlent pare-chocs en se caressant l'entre-jante.

Ensuite, la deuxième passion de Bobby prend le relai : la bielle bière ("Eh! Bobby! Tu viens prendre un pot catalytique?") .

Allons, ne soyons pas chagrins, et gageons que tous ses efforts lui permettront d'enlever sur son cheval blanc dans sa K-2000 une de ces blondasses radasses grognasses damoiselles de 14 ans qui rôdent jusqu'à pas d'heure sans muselière dans le plus chic des accoutrements. Vive la reproduction des schémas familiaux!

G.

P.S. : j'avoue que là, j'ai un peu craqué sur les biffures et les (parenthèses inutiles).
P.P.S. : moi, je trouve que la 106 de Bobby serait rudement plus jolie avec ces loupiotes violettes qu'on croise beaucoup en Picardie. Si vous êtes de mon avis, on pourrait lui faire parvenir une pétition, non?

84 commentaires:

Shenisha a dit…

On utilise trop peu potron-minet! J'ai pu constater dans ma vie quotidienne que les minets seraient plutôt poltrons. Tant qu'ils ne sont pas patrons, tout va pour le mieux!

Didier Goux a dit…

Je réclame l'honneur d'être le premier nom sur la pétition !

(Et j'aime beaucoup les biffures (ainsi que les parenthèses (et aussi les Bobby du monde entier (qui devraient se donner la main))).)

incitatus a dit…

Le mieux reste la combinaison (parenthèses + biffure); le "sans muselière" est très bien vu, de même que la R'n'bouse... (qui passe par chez moi aussi)

Larkéo a dit…

Ici on a peut-être mieux que la 106 à Bobby : le quad à Jean-Marcel! En essais surtout le dimanche sans pot d'échappement (le quad, pas le dimanche ! Quoique...)la mise au point n'est jamais parfaite surtout devant la tanière des Larkéo devant laquelle le tournant suivi d'une courte ligne droite avant le carrefour offre un terrain absolument idéal au quad lancé à pleine vitesse dans la poussière. Un vrai régal. Il manque juste la sono, faudra que je leur suggère. Bon je la signe votre pétition. Elle est où ?
Pour les biffures ça donne un genre et les parenthèses un autre (de genre).

Les Pitous a dit…

Shénisha => patron, poltron, potron... tu ne pensais pas si bien dire, ma jolie : il faudra que tu lises l'article de demain sur les paires minimales!

Didier=> désolé, mais il faut avoir deux bras valides pour signer ladite pétition! Les parenthèses dans les parenthèses, ça me rappelle les lettres d'une copine très proche : ça me rendrait presque indulgent.

Incitatus=> le r'n'bouse sévit hélas en bien des points de notre pauvre planète! Je proposerais bien aux parents une laisse, en plus de la muselière!

Larkéo=> Bienvenue sur les quais de la Somme. Pas de quad dans notre belle mégalopole (le quad, c'est plus drôle dans la boue, non?), mais nous avons le bonheur d'avoir parmi nos voisins, décidément très inpirés, le possesseur d'une de ces mini-motos qui furent à la mode. Vingt fois le tour du pâté de maison, c'est assez insoutenable (je rappelle qu'il est interdit d'utiliser ces engins sur la voie publique- pour le quad, je ne sais pas).

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Mon ancien voisin (que je surnommait Johnny) avait passé l'été dernier à faire du tuning en jogging dans notre cour commune. Techno et machina pourries, vision d'horreur du Johnny en bas de survet' Le Coq Sportif et torse nu trafiquant sa vieille R19 en buvant de la MonsterBrau avec ses potes...

Le tien semble tout de même vachement plus acceptable...

===

"astique le pot d'échappement" hein !

LOL

Les Pitous a dit…

Fred => j'avoue que Bobby n'est pas si désagréable à regarder. Acceptable ou pas acceptable, ce n'est pas vraiment la question : je décris, sans juger (heum...).
Sinon, pour l'astication, il faut reconnaître qu'il y a un peu de ça, quand même.

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Dites voir, Los Pitos, comment faites-vous du texte barré, sur blogger ? Je pourrais demander à mon webmestre perso, mais j'ai peur qu'il se la pète un peu, si je suis trop dépendant de lui...

Pouvez me répondre ici ou chez moi, as you like. (Ou ne pas me répondre du tout, si vous êtes mal lunés...)

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Didier => Je vais répondre ici (ça me fera des commentaires à peu de frais, ce blog en a bien besoin). Pour écrire en barré, il faut utiliser les balises suivantes : < s >texte de Didier Goux< /s >.

Pour souligner : < u >texte forcément génial< /u >

Faudrait tester avec d'autres lettres, il y a peut-être moyen de rigoler!

N.B. : il faut enlever les espaces entre les crochets (j'étais obligé, sinon le commentaire ne passait pas!)

Didier Goux a dit…

Grand merci à vous, je vais me lancer dans la biffure !

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